Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
