I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
