At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
