you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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