I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
