is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
