i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
