and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
