So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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