Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
