My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We named our party play list daddy issues
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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