It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
