Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
