last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
