Fine. I'll sleep in my office
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize