I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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