is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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