I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize