well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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