I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
