if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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