He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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