need another drink. this is the easiest way
Duck Duck Cougar?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
