Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
