sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
