Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
