it wasn't lemon gatorade
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
