Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
