And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
