my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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