gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
