I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
