1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
