Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
