dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
