Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
