Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize