12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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