Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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