guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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