Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize