Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
