Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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