I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
