I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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