I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize