Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
