That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
