can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
