i just google imaged poop.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
