Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
