accomplished twins. life is a go
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
