Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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