She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
