My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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