They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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