Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
