I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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