WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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