i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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