I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
