It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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