Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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