we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
