I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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