Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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