just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
