I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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