Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
